So, I need a vacation. I actually just came back from a trip (to Orlando for HALLOWEEN HORROR NIGHTS, which was FRIGGEN AWESOME, bee tee dub), but my vacations are rarely vacations. My vacations usually consist of not sleeping, spending more money than I have, not sleeping, drinking, running around like a headless chicken, and not sleeping. In short — I haven’t had a relaxing vacation in something like 6 years. I usually return home more exhausted than I was when I left. HOW POINTLESS.
So, to remedy this unfortunate situation, I’ve been planning my brief escape to someplace hot and sunny so that I may sit on a beach for four days and just absorb the earth. Granted, I live in Miami which is all of the things I just described, BUT ITS NOT THE SAME AS checking myself into a hotel and being catered to for a long weekend.
However, as a ridiculously single female, I find that going on vacation alone (to maximize my relaxation efforts) is very expensive and VERY UNFAIR. WTF. Por ejemplo, according to expedia.com, I can go on a LOVELY 3-NIGHT CARIBBEAN CRUISE for the AFFORDABLE PRICE of $460. However, upon further inspection, it says (in barely visible fine-print, of course), that the rate is based on double occupancy. Which means basically that if I wanted to go on a LOVELY 3-NIGHT CARIBBEAN CRUISE, I’d really have to pay the ever-affordable price of $920. Oh, yeah, def. I can totally swing that.
EXCUSE ME?! I mean, it’s bad enough that I am so single that I have to take a vacation by myself. But now I have to be SHAMED in the process by being forced to pay for a companion who doesn’t exist. Well I never.
I work in Hospitality. I know WHY they sell vacations like that. But understanding why doesn’t make me feel any less single, and also poor. Sigh. I mean, what is a bright, funny, single girl who just wants a relaxing vacation to do?
I’m reminded of the episode of Sex and the City where Carrie’s shoes are stolen from a party whose hostess refuses to compensate for the price of the very expensive footwear. Granted, it’s not the same situation, but while Carrie muses on how the Single Girl never gets celebrations in honor of… her singledom, I find myself feeling the same way. I’m not asking to have a party thrown in honor of the fact that I’m going to die alone, I’m just asking to go on a solo-vacation and not have to p
ay for a companion who doesn’t even exist! Please.
Oh well. Here I am, kissing my LOVELY, RELAXING, AFORDABLE, 3-NIGHT CARIBBEAN CRUISE goodbye, and embracing a crappy hotel in Key West or something. In the mean time, all I can do is plan my escape, get some sand in my shoes, and hopefully meet the person with whom ONE DAY I’ll be able to enjoy my dream relaxing vacation.
