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Posts Tagged ‘olympians’

I am terrible at writing blog headlines, honestly. They very rarely have anything to do with the actual post. Know why? It’s cos I’m friggen insane. Yeah. AND the TAN FROM HELL from my birthday has FINALLY worn off and I’m really pretty sad about it.

But insane as I may be, I do have a gift for you all, friends and lovers. And that gift is a blog dedicated to [WAIT FOR IT WAIT FOR IT …………….] Misty May’s ass. NO I AM NOT KIDDING. Most of my visitors here are still looking for that damned great wall video and I DO NOT HAVE IT, PEOPLE. I DO NOT KNOW WHERE TO FIND IT. I JUST DON’T. But since I can’t provide you with that video, I’ll just provide you with a blog dedicated to:

MISTY MAY’S ASS.

Also, HELLO. HELLO, CAN WE PLEASE TALK ABOUT THIS:

WHAT? THIS CANNOT BE REAL.

MISTY MAY’S ASS IS SO NOT THAT BIG, PEOPLE. WHO WOULD PHOTOSHOP THAT WOMAN’S ASS? SHE IS PERFECT JUST AS SHE IS, YOU FRIGGEN WEIRDOS!

Gosh.

Now that I have given you all my gift and been totally horrified by fake ass, I’m going to continue perving out over 19 year old US diver, David Boudia. OHHHHH MAN. He is five years younger than I am and I DO NOT EVEN CARE, BROS.

Hi, David Boudia. Wear speedos every day for the rest of your life ok? Or, at least until you turn 23.

Hi, David Boudia. Wear speedos every day for the rest of your life ok? Or, at least until you turn 23.

I’m creepy.

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I mean really. If the Olympics was college (and basically, it is), Amanda Beard would be that horrid bitch who wears fake purses and PRETENDS THEY’RE REAL! And drunkenly hooks up with everyone’s boyfriends at EVERY party but totally doesn’t remember it in the morning. And then comes back to the apartment at 4am and EATS EVERYTHING IN THE FRIDGE before passing out on the couch, snoring like a freight train?

Now that I think of it, I think I may have lived with Amanda Beard for a short period during Junior year….. TWILIGHT ZONE!

Amanda Beard doin' what she does best [which apparently is not swimming and is more like bein naked.]

Amanda Beard doin what she does best (which apparently is not swimming and is more like bein naked all the time)

Ignoring the case of the invisible nipples, let’s just talk about her recent interview on the Johnjay and Rich show in Phoenix, which, really, is more relevant and important than airbrushed nipples:

Meanwhile, Amanda also denied she was dating Phelps, saying, “Eww, that’s nasty… I have never, ever hooked up with Michael Phelps,” Beard said via telephone from Beijing on the “Johnjay and Rich Show,” which is broadcast on Kiss FM 104.7 in Phoenix.

“Come on, I have really good taste,” Beard said. “He’s really not my type.”

Asked how the poolside rumors made their way into London’s Daily Telegraph, Beard said she had no clue.

“We don’t even talk to each other,” she said of her relationship with Phelps.

[Full article can be found here.]

OH, OKAY. I GET IT. So in addition to being a skank, and probably only going to Beijing so she could party in OlyVil and attempt to live out her LOST YOUTH, she’s also kind of a HEINOUS BITCH? Holy jeez, what a triage of awesome.

I mean, I’m sure this entry is a little harsh and I don’t know the girl and blahblahblah I’m anticipating the stupid “OMG UR SO JEALOUSE” comments but GOD. Read that passage again and tell me that’s not just a bitchy thing to say in the public eye?

People are always criticizing Michael Phelps and saying that in real life he’s a gigantic douche, but everything I see from him just proves him to be kind of a modest, regular joe. It’s too bad more people in the spotlight don’t follow his example.

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I so know this spot was supposed to hold a FONT OF HOTTIES by now. But jeez. I get all distracted by the 6, 8, and 12-packs. And then I have to eat pizza. And then I have to puke. But I am so so so so so working on it, ok? I haven’t forgotten the hotties.

But I never come empty handed, do I? No, I always come to you with gifts. SO here is your gift for this evening, friends and lovers:

I still have love for the Australian hotties. Seriously.

I still have love for the Australian hotties. Seriously. L-R: Eamon Sullivan, Libby Trickett, Grant Hackett, and Stephanie Rice

I think we need to have a moment of silence so we can just admire and appreciate the artistry that is Eamon Sullivan’s torso? I mean really. It deserves a medal just for existing. I’m gonna go take a moment right now. You know.. to do stuff. N things.

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